BOYS...THERE ARE WAY TOO CUTE...



After all these years, finally, someone is doing some well-deserved advertising for NUS Business School. I'm not from NUS Business School, but Glory to It! Well, I know I know, most of you unpatriotic Singaporeans will start wondering why it is that a truly good University will want to advertise itself as having a school better than Sloan or Penn. Won't the University just need to let its credentials speak for itself?

What they fail to realize is the exceptionality of the Singaporean mentality. Why else do you think we need bus-length adverts for our universities? It doesn't matter if you have a global reputation or not, you just advertise and the moment that they hear that you are "preferred by tomorrow's elites", it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy! Tomorrow's elites will flock to you like there's um...no tomorrow...which in the case of, they won't get to show themselves as elite, but nevermind...

And by the way, you heard me, Emmy Rossum, the boys here are WAY TOO CUTE FOR YOUR MOM'S LIKING...so I believe that there is a good chance you might think of going to NUS instead of Columbia...so if you're reading this, please, do contact me. My email's at the side of this blog, and you can feel free to write to me.

And that's the Commander Report, over and out!

SWEARING IN THE SINGAPORE CABINET

Well, there you have it, the new Singapore Cabinet is sworn in, and as always our great PM Lee has taken his mandate with him and will walk down the aisles of Parliament with it! Good for you, PM Lee!

You know, sometimes I wonder what exactly is it that the Singapore Cabinet SWEARS about when it is put into place. It's not like they need to do all those things that other cabinets in other countries have to be careful about: ministers here don't need to be held accountable for things, and even if the most unfit member for the position is chosen, the likelihood is that somehow, someway, the Party is going to groom that person into the most apt and eligible man for the job.

Yes I swear, the People's Action Party will put a Tortoise up for Minister of Speed, and very soon that Tortoise is going to outdo any potential Hares for the position. It's the classic story of the Tortoise and Hare. A tortoise with the blessing of the People's Action Party goes further than any hare without.

Which is why I don't understand at all why the new cabinet is swearing in, or what language they're swearing in.

At any rate, my suggestion here, there should be an island-wide "No Swearing Day" for occasions like these. We've got to become a more gracious society, and that would mean that our ministers must not be allowed to swear themselves.

Though I would argue that in private, any minister is allowed to swear on his mandate, or woman-date. But keep it quiet, will ya?

And that's the Commander Report, over and out!

THE ONLY EMPIRE WORTH STUDYING IS NOT THE BRITISH

You know, The Commander cannot understand the current outrage the world over with "Imperialism"...that term that was used to describe American intervention in Iraq, and that rage over the book "Empire" by Niall Ferguson where he argues that Empire was a legitimate form of government, and cited the British Empire's success in ruling nearly the entire world.

Well, as far as The Commander is concerned, why do we still care so much about the British Empire? After all, there is only One Empire that matters to the Commander...and that is this...



Yes, my friends, I am talking about THE GALACTIC EMPIRE!

As far as I'm concerned, the British Empire was nowhere compared to the Galactic Empire. Opium Wars? The Galactic Empire went about obliterating entire planets with their Death Stars! Top that, Brittannia!

Which is why I am very glad that the University of Naboo is going to have a history symposium on the Galactic Empire: very good, that's exactly the kind of historical study we need to pursue.

For all those who hated Jar Jar, I say, "Up yours!" I knew he had it in him to lead when I first saw him, I applaud the University of Naboo for making him their Chancellor, they can't go wrong with a Gungan like him!

Here's leaving you with a biography of the illustrious Jar Jar, now Chancellor Binks that you can read on the site itself, over and out!

Chancellor Binks was known for a stellar political career, in which his honesty, integrity and straightforwardness were unquestionable. But few forget the all-Galactic success story that defined his life.

Chancellor Binks was born and bred in the noble Gungan tribe of Naboo itself. As a lowly youth, Chancellor Binks sought to overcome the dire circumstances of his birth, and dedicated his life to adventure and indeed, went on one of the greatest adventures himself, when he met a young lad back then known as merely Anakin Skywalker, father of current Jedi Council President Luke Skywalker, and the controversial founder of the Empire known as Darth Vader. The legendary Pod race that Chancellor Binks took part in alongside Young Skywalker was one of the most celebrated sporting events in the history of the Galactic 500, and remains a landmark of Galactic racing fans worldwide. In that race the two defeated the mighty Sebulba, and set a new landmark sporting record.

Chancellor Binks as a youth also joined the Gungan Grand Army, and served valiantly in the battle upon the Separatist Droids on Naboo itself, where he valiantly wrestled an enemy cannon before it could destroy his own troops.

Later on, Chancellor Binks would become an important Senator in the first Galactic Senate itself, even though the onset of the Empire would sadly interrupt his political career for the next two decades, Chancellor Binks has proven in the New Republic with his inspired leadership of the University of Naboo, that he can and will continue to serve the Galaxy into his twilight years.

Chancellor Binks led a life filled with adventure, promise and greatness. And he will lead the University of Naboo in the same direction.

As the Wookiee saying goes: Graff gruff graaaa graaa graa graa roar roar grunt grunt grunt hooooorrrrrrruuuggggggh!

RED BLOODED, WHITE BONED!


MAJULAH SINGAPURA!

You know, there is power in words.

And as such, every man needs to know the words he must adopt to strengthen himself in this world.

Every nation has its phrases of symbolic Masculine Strength.

British men talk about their stiff upper lip, the Finns use the word "Sisu", which means to never give up, and the Chinese always say "Nan Er Dang Zi Qiang" in the spirit of the Great Wong Fei Hong, but Singaporeans have no social institution of manliness, no phrase that can accurately describe the Singaporean spirit.

For Singaporean males, today, I give you this new phrase to describe yourselves...

Say it with me:

"RED BLOODED, WHITE BONED!"

Yes, exactly the phrase I was looking for, RED BLOODED, WHITE BONED, is my gift to the men and women of Singapore, because there is no phrase truer to describe the blood and the bones of Singaporean men. And they are also the colours of our great flag!

You see, the fact is simple. No matter if you are Malay, Chinese, Indian or Eurasian, the colour of your blood is always Red, and the colour of your bones is always White. The phrase is thus applicable to all Singaporeans everywhere, and yes, even to those quitters and Singaporeans staying abroad, I say this to you: you are all RED BLOODED, WHITE BONED Singaporeans, because the colour of your blood is eternally red, and the colour of your bones shall be eternally white till they rot away in that grave you will bury yourself in overseas, quitter. Yes, not even your action of quitting can erase this fact!

I mean is there anything else that can symbolize the Singaporean spirit other than "Red Blooded, White Boned"? Well, I mean in about a dozen countries they talk about "Blue Blood", I mean, we don't have Blue Blood here at all! We got White Horses, but no Blue Blood! And White Horses are also Red Blooded and White Boned, don't believe me you go check, just don't tell me when the Horse's father comes and kicks you in the ass...

So, next time, Singaporean, every time someone from another country tries to kick you around, you tell them,

"I'm RED BLOODED, WHITE BONED, are you?"

That should silence them.

The Commander Report, over and out!

Greetings fellow netizens and salutations to Singapore!

You may call me THE COMMANDER, the newest hero to sweep the blogosphere in search of the final frontier!

In my blog I will talk about Singaporean life to deliver a fresh, unneutered and entirely personal perspective that will be MORE SAVVY than the Straits Times, and MORE TRUTHY than the rest of the blogosphere.

I'm going to talk straight, and I am going to call it like I see it, because the Commander loves Singapore, and all those wrongful and awful perspectives floating around on the blogosphere will only threaten to destroy this small country!

Remember how vulnerable we are? The Commander says that a man should keep his friends close, his enemies CLOSER, and his gossipy neighbours CLOSEST, because that's where the real news is. In light of that statement, I remember a few years ago when our not really gossipy but still very wise and very powerful neighbour Dr Mahathir Mohammed said that in Singapore it's easy to drive and fall into the sea. Exactly! I myself have almost fallen into the sea three times when I was trying to get my driving certificate! All three times were such hairbreadth escapes, I intend to show you the medals I custom-designed for those occasions just one of these days.

Anyway, if we are all already in so much danger of falling into the sea, there is nothing wrong with government surveillance, wiretapping, blogtapping, rubbertapping (it was one of Singapore's original industries after all!) and toetapping to save us from ourselves and our dangerous surroundings.

I say if too many bloggers don't know what they're talking about, the weight of their combined issues would sink us into the sea!

That's what the Commander Believes. Over and Out.