PAT ROBERTSON MUST CONVERT TO SANTA CHRIST!



Poor Old Pat Robertson, his view of Haitian history is apparently informed by the likes of "Princess and the Frog", yes, to him, all Haitians are apparently like this guy.



It doesn't matter that in terms of Haitian demographics, most of the population is Roman Catholic, so it is a Christian country, just like its neighbor the Dominican Republic, that Pat Robertson credits with being prosperous, healthy and full of resorts. For Pat Robertson, Haiti must suffer terrible earthquakes not because it sits on a fault line, but because somewhere in the past the founders of Haiti made a pact with the devil. I take it he applies that rule to Sumatra, Sichuan, or Northern California, that had a 6.5 almost at around the same time.

What is most unforgivable however is how Pat mixes up Napoleon I, the badass who conquered nearly all of Europe (who was the one who attempted to suppress the slave revolts in Haiti) with his wimpo nephew Napoleon III, who was such a sucky Imperialist he ended up captured by the Prussians during the Franco-Prussian War. C'est la honte, Pat! C'est la honte!

The only cure for Pat is to ACCEPT THE DISPENSATION OF THE INFINITE GRACE OF SANTA CHRIST!

REMEMBER PAT! OLD AS YOU ARE, ARE YOU READY TO MEET SANTA CHRIST?

AND I"M BACK!

...In case all of you have wondered where I was for these past two years or more, the Blogger Samurai has been on his SHUGYO pilgrimage. Where a warrior, called a shugyōsha, would wander the land practicing and honing his skills without the protection of his family or school. Possible activities include training with other schools, dueling, performing bodyguard or mercenary work, and searching for a daimyo to serve.

On my travels across the lands and the four seas, I have met triumphs and defeats, tragedies and glories. But none have compared to the time that I came across my good friend Hasekura Rokuemon, pictured below. I remembered that some time ago he had converted to the Faith of the Frankish men, so I asked him, "How things go hiding in the mountains from the Shogunate forces now seeking to crucify you?"

"About as good as it went." said he. "But I wish to inform you that a new savior is about to come, and he will be different from anything that we have ever witnessed. You see, I have learnt from the Prophet Doug Walker about the Lord and Savior, Santa Christ!"

"Who is Santa Christ?" I asked.

With that in mind, Rokuemon directed me to his Youtube account where he had favorited this clip of the Prophet Douglas Walker, from the faraway city of Chicago.


For those of you who do not know, Douglas Walker of the City of Chicago, otherwise known as the Nostalgia Critic and ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, is a man who hosts a silly website called thatguywiththeglasses.com. This man has also been featured in a recent issue of Entrepreneur Magazine.



Why is he such an important example of having been blessed? First of all, look at the halo you see around him in the picture above. It's not a naturally occurring halo. In fact, he looks like some kind of Saint. And that's despite what he does. You see, he specializes in making stupid videos about old movies and tv shows. But in spite of that, he is also an entrepreneur in a business for a website that is averaging 16.5 million page views a month and making $150,000 in revenue.

If I was wondering why he was that successful, was it due to his subversive humor, his affection for the material he parodies, or his immense creativity as shown in his keen use of dimestore special effects? Of course not, I realized after seeing this clip? It is due to his belief in the one true God and Savior, Santa Christ!



As the song goes, Santa Christ atoned for our sins, but he also likes pancakes, saved puppies from a fire, played bass for Aerosmith, read to sick orphans, goes surfing in space, makes really good fondue, shoots lasers from his eyes, hangs curtains for free, fights monsters for fun and hangs out with Mister T!

When I heard this, I started to weep for all the poor lost deluded souls that exist in our world today. Especially a few years ago when that poor blogger named Char has his computer seized for talking about Zombie Jesus. I realized that if he had repented then and made videos about Santa Christ on the web, he might have been saved and right now become an entrepreneur making 150,000 in revenue and scoring millions of hits a day on his website. Whoever reported him might also have realized that Zombie Jesus was a false prophet, and Santa Christ is the true Lord and Savior.

How can we, with such knowledge, not realize that it is time to worship the ONE TRUE LORD AND SAVIOR, SANTA CHRIST?

Can Drs Thio Su Mien and Thio Li Ann, who make cases that God saved Singapore from the tsunami and that righteousness exalts a nation, but that we live in an age dealing with laws and social systems rooted in immoral, sinful values, NOT accept the ONE TRUE LORD AND SAVIOR, SANTA CHRIST, INTO THEIR HEARTS?

For I tell you, if we accept SANTA CHRIST AS OUR PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR, WE TOO CAN BE LIKE DOUGLAS WALKER, WHO BECAME A YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR TO WATCH SOLELY ON HIS MERIT IN MAKING SILLY VIDEOS!

WILL WE DARE TO REPENT, AND SEEK OUR ONE TRUE LORD AND SAVIOR, SANTA CHRIST, AND HIS DISPENSATION OF INFINITE GRACE?

DO WE? CAN WE? WILL WE?